Friday, January 21, 2005
Sideways
Beth and I saw Sideways last weekend. Both characters are very familiar to me. Their relationship and its obvious limitations is one I have experienced since high school. Beth tells me that for some men their relationship with other men is less limited then I have experienced. Here is to those men who rise above that.
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My friend Lee and I went to see the film last night. Yeah, the relationship between the two lead characters was limited to say the least. I think people, including men, and those who exhibit the kinds of brokenness demonstrated by the characters in the film, long for something beyond what they have.
ReplyDeleteThose guys were so much like the guys I went to high school with.
After reading my comment above, I want to note that I don't think I am quite as arrogant as I may have seemed to the readers of my comment.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if it is just "broken" men that have a longing for something more in their relationships with other men. Beth and I talk about the kind of messages men give to one another. I know that it is when I work with men in therapy and in my own therapy it is often the first time that many of the men have more than a superficial dialog with another man. Often that kind of intimate relationship is limited to male female relationships. I know that when I was growing up, making one's self vulnerable by disclosing one's feelings to another male was considered weak or gay. I am glad that I got beyond that at times with my friends Tom and Doug. You notice I said at times, and I mean that. All three of us fall back in to long periods of superfical sharing, things that are easy to articulate or postulate. My friend Tom recently e-mailed me and stated that I was falling back into the habit of writing more about others than myself. I wrote him back that he was writing traveloges. More personal levels of conversation happen sporadically and mostly when one of us is really struggling and involves a topic that we are hesitant to talk to a female about. I appreciate those times and have learned a great deal about myself and my friends in those moments, but those are hard won.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if it is just "broken" men that have a longing for something more in their relationships with other men. Beth and I talk about the kind of messages men give to one another. I know that it is when I work with men in therapy and in my own therapy it is often the first time that many of the men have more than a superficial dialog with another man. Often that kind of intimate relationship is limited to male female relationships. I know that when I was growing up, making one's self vulnerable by disclosing one's feelings to another male was considered weak or gay. I am glad that I got beyond that at times with my friends Tom and Doug. You notice I said at times, and I mean that. All three of us fall back in to long periods of superfical sharing, things that are easy to articulate or postulate. My friend Tom recently e-mailed me and stated that I was falling back into the habit of writing more about others than myself. I wrote him back that he was writing traveloges. More personal levels of conversation happen sporadically and mostly when one of us is really struggling and involves a topic that we are hesitant to talk to a female about. I appreciate those times and have learned a great deal about myself and my friends in those moments, but those are hard won.
ReplyDeleteMy concern about sounding arrogant was using that word "broken." I don't think there is a them and us--it is in identifying with the brokeness within ourselves that we can relate openly and honestly. It's just those characters in the movie had their brokeness amplified on the big screen I guess.
ReplyDeleteShould we start a new blog about this kind of stuff?
I agree with you about the movies amplifing parts of us. When I wrote the comment I was thinking that "broken" meant "making obvious", rather than as a judgement. I am sure there are blogs that already exist that are focused on this topic. Not sure a new one is necessary.
ReplyDeleteI have not seen the movie. Debating it. Some trusted people in my life have been unable to express the value in seeing it. I get mixed messages...somehow it seems worth seeing at some level, though difficult to articulate, evidently. The other message I get is that it is offensive. Not sure I want to wade through that to see a well made movie. I can get through offensive sometimes, if it really develops the story somehow. Just feeling a little timid about this. I felt American Beauty (I think that was it) to be offensive and raw, but felt it added to the complicated nature of the characters and complexities of the story, so I dealt with it, I guess. Might do me better to rent.
ReplyDeleteGlen and Steve -- your dialog is thought provoking and promotes reflection which sometimes (and I like those times) leads me to personal growth. Haven't seen the movie, so can't connect with the characters. I have grown weary lately of how much I talk about other people. There has been a void at times of discussion of bigger things. Not a criticism. Just an acknowledgement that soul talk is good. I got that phrase "soul talk" from a book by Larry Crabb that Glen got as a gift from John Ploog and is kinda reading.
O.K. Well, if you can see anything redeeming about watching American Beauty, Sideways is nothin'. It is not on my list of best movies ever, but it is a very well-made character study. As much as I hate to admit it, I have met characters of the type portrayed there. Very black and white. I am more gray (or grey) in the middle. Do not concern yourself about me comparing myself to male characters. We are all on one spectrum or another...
ReplyDeleteI am also "kinda" reading a book. "The 8th Habit." I told Steve I'm only reading it because I like anyone with the name "Stephen C.:-) Probably too much of what I need to read now as I have been avoiding it.
This Saturday we go to the home of our county Superintendent of Schools fo dinner (or more like a party as my friend Dee points out). I went to a fundraiser for our local fine arts camp last August with the express mission of bidding on this dinner. We had friends there and all of the women agreed to go in with me on the cost, which will go undisclosed here. Luckily, Vicki's architect husband was in the parking lot talking and could not stop me...We ended up splitting the dinner (8 with my party, 6 with the other). Now we're all obsessing about what to wear. Well, all the women are obsessing.... The other party is headed by my attorney, Paul Zappittini. It will be fun unless the Superintendent and her staff get in the way.
More to come on the social scene in El Dorado County...